My last day in Santa Barbara, I taught a Pilates class. After class, Susan waited around on her bike until everyone else had said their goodbyes and left. "I'm really worried about you," she said, her face clearly expressing her emotion.
"Oh, I'll be fine," I laughed it off like I always do.
Susan touched my arm. "No, I'm worried about your mental state. After your surgery, you will be completely inactive. That is your life; it's who you are. I'm worried you will battle depression."
Though I knew she had a valid point, I was positive that would never happen to me. I assured her that I would come back stronger and more determined than ever.
It's been encouraging to hear comments from clients, friends, family and even ex-boyfriends who have told others, "If anyone can get through this, Ashlee can." I am completely determined to recover and come back stronger than I was at the peak of my training; yet, there are moments when I find myself in doubt, begging God to show me his purpose behind this accident.
After two months of wearing a cast, I have finally been placed into a walking boot, which is a HUGE relief. Five minutes of standing is all it takes to exhaust me, but at least I can stand! I even got to walk across the room at my physical therapist's office yesterday!
It will still be awhile until I can run, which is discouraging, but the doctor has been impressed with how quickly I am recovering. Yesterday, as he was talking to my family about the strength of the tendon, he referred to my surgery as the scariest one he had ever performed. "When I pulled the two ends of the tendon together," he started. "They looked like this." He held his fists about an inch away from each other, showing that they weren't even touching when he stitched them up. "I did not expect it to hold. I had her at such extreme angles of pronation and dorsiflexion just to keep as little stress off of that tendon as possible."
I am so fortunate to be healing the way I am. I have been so encouraged by the stories of others who have been through similar situations. Exchanging training methods with my friend Jesse, also a triathlete and three-time winner of Wildflower Triathlon, has been incredibly helpful. Two books that have touched me are the stories of Bethany Hamilton and Lauren Scruggs. Bethany is a professional surfer who lost her arm in a shark attack. Despite only having one functioning arm, she is one of the most incredible, powerful surfers in the world. Lauren is a fashion blogger who had strong faith in God even when she lost her left arm and eye after walking into a plane propeller.
The most inspiring example during my time of recovery has been that of my father. Years ago, he woke up to excruciating pain in his neck. He had ruptured one of his cervical discs and was rushed into surgery at the hospital. After having his discs fused together, my dad was no longer able to perform dentistry. He sold his dental practice and has found other ways to fill his time since, including freelance photography, fixing and building computers, helping to start a Christian academy, adventuring with my mom, becoming an avid fly fisherman, etc. My dad has very limited ROM in his neck, yet in the six or seven years since his surgery, I have yet to hear him complain. My father shows strength, patience and perseverance through the most difficult times. This last weekend, even when he woke in immense pain to another ruptured disc, he was kind, calm and showed gratitude for all of my mother's help. He has set a wonderful example of how to behave in times of trial.
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| The tackle box I gave Dad for Father's Day |
Through this experience, I have learned how to be resourceful and creative with my abilities, how to be a good patient and how to stay strong mentally and physically during hard times.
You are such an inspiration, girl :) I'm so blessed to have you in my life!
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