Shake It Like A Bad Girl Down In Haarlem

Patience.

The word I keep being reminded by all athletes I run into.

"I know you want to push, Ashlee, but you must have patience."

The moment I got my walking boot off last week, I wanted to run and jump and climb and frolic.

But none of those things were truly options. Even putting a walking shoe on and standing caused a painful sensation to overwhelm the top of my foot. It feels as if someone is taking each bone and peeling it away from the others. My foot is flat with very little arch. Even my massage therapist looked at it in disgust and remarked that it no longer looked like a foot.

I have a noticeable limp that only gets worse the longer I am on my feet. Sometimes I just want to burst into tears of frustration, pain and defeat.

Defeat.

I've never given into that word before, never believed it was a true word, but the more I try to walk, the more I am ready to accept it. It is really difficult to label yourself as an athlete then find yourself working up a sweat just walking out to the end of the driveway and back. 

My physical therapist, Jason, is even more anxious than I am to get me walking and moving normally. His eyes light up every time I walk into the office because he knows he will get to talk about Pearl Jam and racing. We play around and have a great time when I'm there, testing my balance and seeing of what I am now capable. All the therapists get excited when I come in. Rich pulls out phrases like, "Shake it like a bad girl down in Haarlem" and Greg always wants to come over to see if my degree of flexion has increased.

My favorite memory so far is when Jason had me balancing on a Bosu ball and he tossed a little inflatable ball toward me. Rich dove in the way and blocked the shot (from his days as a soccer goalie). He landed in a squat, turned toward me and wiggled his finger. "No, no, no. Not in my house," he said in his deepest, raspiest voice. Oh, the joy of PT. It truly is the highlight of my day.

But patience. They all have to remind me (and themselves) that.

But I guarantee you, even though patience may feel like defeat sometimes, I know one day I will conquer this battle and walk like a normal person again. Fingers crossed I will run again! Keep saying your prayers!