Shifting Gears

I had a beautiful breakdown last night. The night sky was dark, the stars barely visible despite the clear, crisp air. Maybe it wasn't a bad day, but it was an off day. Nothing felt right. The night prior, I had an intense, amazing conversation with God. It felt really good and I thought, "This is it. This is the type of relationship for which I have been searching."

But yesterday left me wondering what was wrong. There was no explanation for my lack of energy. Even on my lunch break, I had to drag myself to the gym. Once there, I assumed my endorphins would be given a boost, but every minute on that darn elliptical ticked by like I was waiting for a class to end.

My body is totally worn down and I don't know why. My workouts have been lackluster; when they are finished, I am glad I did them, but the action of running or cycling or Pilates... it all seems like a chore. A necessary evil. Working out has never felt like that for me. Sluggish, lethargic, unmotivated... now that I can use my leg to an extent, what has been holding me back?

I sat in my car, staring at the road ahead and just praying to God. Wow. It felt like he kept pouring all of these words into my heart and I was completely receptive. No, I didn't leave the conversation feeling totally energized. I didn't go out and run without pain today. In fact, the cycle class I took today absolutely sucked and I felt worse than I ever have before. BUT that's okay. It is a call to shift focus from what I want for my life and my selfish reasons for getting fit and active again. It is a call to redirect my attention to my spiritual walk with God.

Sometimes God gives us exactly what we ask for in ways we never expected or ever could have imagined.