Shaking Off the Funky Funk

After my 75 mile bike ride last Saturday, my body felt pretty worked. Fortunately for my legs, I don't get sore; however, the ride left me feeling tired and unmotivated. Sunday morning, I woke up at my parents' house and did a 12-mile mountain bike ride with my mom. It was mellow and relaxing. I knew I still needed to run, but I couldn't decide which trail to conquer. Then my friend said he would run with me after I got off of work, so I postponed the running plans and sat around my house with Lyla Bear until 3 o'clock.

Bad idea. Never depend on a workout partner until you know they are true to their word. My friend bailed on the running plan and by the time I finished everything I needed to do, it was dark out. Deciding not to spend the next two hours of my evening on a treadmill, I went home, turned on the television and ate a chocolate bar.

When I feel poorly about myself, I turn to chocolate bars and Juanita's tortilla chips. Because obviously, if I'm feeling poorly about being fat from not working out, I might as well add on to the self-pity with a bag of salty triangles.

The next morning, I vowed to run my missed workout from the day prior, but somehow the day got away from me and all three of my workouts were never started. Instead, I ate 3/4ths a bag of tortilla chips while sitting in my bathtub feeling sorry for myself.

Tuesday. A new day. My feet had a difficult time slipping out from under the covers. Lyla Bear was curled up next to me on the bed and I could tell she had no intention of waking anytime in the near future. We cuddled for a little bit with daydreams streaming through our heads until I finally convinced myself to get out in the sunshine.

Nine miles on a forest road. That's all I had in me. But I was glad I broke my no exercise depression.

Yesterday, I still felt off. After Optimal Core Performance, Amy and I decided to run up to the top of Black Butte. My legs felt weak; I wasn't sure if it was from lack of exercise or if it was residual tiredness from the overtraining last week. I was so thankful Amy got my butt out though. It felt nice to be outside with a friend. You can't turn around early when someone else is there expecting you to keep going.

My great friend Parker, who was All American in cross country this year, is leaving for Thailand in two days. Every time I talk with Parker, I feel instantly rejuvenated. He has been in town for the past week and has been trying to get together, but I keep turning him down. Most of it was due to business, but a big reason I wasn't making an effort to see him was because I felt so poorly about myself. I didn't want to see him for an hour and spend the entire time trying to force a smile and pretend like everything was okay. But I did it anyway. I cancelled my bike and my swim, which I was really anxious about, to go sit in his backyard and reflect on life over a glass of water.

As my walls broke down and I opened up to someone for the first time about how I've been feeling, I felt this huge stone lift from my heart. I have been holding so much back and haven't wanted to burden anyone with my anxiety, stress and feelings of disappointment.

I think exercise is a huge anti-depressant for me. Having children scares me because it means a hiatus from exercise. Getting injured again frightens me for the same reason. The impact an hour of cardio a day has on my mood amazes me.

After three days of deep sorrow, I am so thankful that I was able to shake it off and get back to my routine. The lesson I learned from this is not to be scared to show people your weakness. It helps to let the tears flow; in fact, it is healthy for you. Also, don't fret about a missed workout. You can always make up for it later. But don't turn to a bag of Juanita's for redemption. They never satisfy the way you hope they will.

Training in the Cold with a Cold

"Oh man," Rebecca exclaimed as she drove through the snow. "Dead deer in the middle of the road."

"What? Where?" I asked. 

I am so unobservant. Wedding rings? I don't notice them. You lost a tooth? You're going to have to tell me, because I won't see it on my own. 

And this is how I was reminded that I could not pursue my dream of being a secret agent or a girl detective... those two jobs require a keen sense of awareness, which is something I definitely do not have. 

So back to the other dream/reality: Being an athlete.

Two weeks ago, I woke up with no voice. It had been a stressful week. I lost my job, crashed my car onto the side of a cliff, was home alone and my best friend was in Thailand. All of that toppled on 14-20 hour training weeks and I was done.

"Take a rest day," Josh told me while we chatted on the phone.

"Hahahaha. Right. Maybe I won't swim in the morning," I teased.

"Well, you hate swimming, so that doesn't count," he reminded me. 

"Swimming is bad for you anyway," Jason told me the next day. He hates swimming, too, obviously.

Knowing that I was going to sleep in and not swim the next day, I decided to start a movie... at 11:23 in the evening. Bad call. The next day I woke up groggy and feeling even worse. 

"Hey, guess what," I texted Josh. "I did not work out today."

"Did you break your leg?" Came his reply. 

Then I did something foolish. I went for a long bike ride in 20 degree weather. That probably was not the worst decision, it was more the fashion choice I made. Since I just moved to Oregon recently, I have not purchased cold weather cycle gear. I wore shorts. After only 3 minutes on the bike, I could not feel my fingers. They had frozen over and could not move. I debated turning back, but I was determined to get out on The Thunder. By the time an hour had passed, my legs were wind burned and I had frostbite on my fingers and toes. 

My body looked like an immobile stick figure when I got off the bike. Walking like a mummy to the tub, I turned on the warm water and waited for the tub to fill. Then I stuck my toe in. At first, there was no feeling then...

Ow! Ow ow ow!

Tears streamed down my face as I jumped out of the tub. Agonized yells escaped from my mouth. I grabbed at my toes, but nothing helped. I sobbed as I looked at the tub I knew would be the only remedy, the most painful remedy I could think of at that moment. No one was home. No one could help me. It was just me and the tub. I tried again and forced my feet to stay planted, then slowly sank my body into the water. It was one of the most terrible feelings on earth. Remember when you were a wild teenager and thought getting out of the hot tub, rolling in the snow then jumping back in was a great idea? It wasn't a great idea. It was stupid. Take that stupid idea and multiply it by 4. That was the decision I made. 

Over it!

But I had a fantastic training week despite the cold weather. I kicked butt on the Strava leader boards and hit all my goals on my swim sessions. 

Dear Summer, 

Please come soon. 

Love,

The cold girl with the cold

From Beach Bum to Tri Addict

Though the clock reads 12:10AM on Thursday morning, my body still thinks it is 3:10PM on Wednesday. There is no logic happening in these muscles right now. Yes, it is 12:10 AM and I am writing a blog. Why are you writing a blog so late at night, you ask? Well, I'm wired. I literally just walked in the door from a gnarly 35-mile bike ride. Bike ride in the dark, you ask? Yes, but don't worry... I was indoors watching Beyonce dance and listening to ACDC... the combo doesn't go together so well.

I once wrote a blog about defining one's life. It was when I was in Wyoming and had come to the conclusion that family and friends were more important than getting that extra 10-minutes of training in. That's when I gained 15 pounds. Mmmmm delicious. I'll tell you what was delicious: Those bags of dried mango I bought by the dozen on my food buys. Not to mention Anne's zucchini muffins... there are reasons I work out so hard: I love my sweets.

Back to defining one's life... These past couple of months, I have noticed that my life comes and goes in time blocks. When I am in one block of time, I am totally committed to that block. For instance, there was a block of time where I was obsessed with surfing. I owned every issue of Surfing, Foam, Surfer, etc. and wore only Roxy, O'Neil and Billabong brand clothing. I knew every surf shop in San Diego and practiced pop-ups in my bedroom every morning. I owned more movies with titles like Endless Summer and Step Into Liquid than anyone I knew. In my senior high school year book, I was voted Most Likely to Become a Beach Bum. I went to college in California specifically so I could be next to the ocean and study the waves more than I studied my Anatomy text book ...You get the idea.

Easter morning surf sess with Rebecca and Torrey

Maui

Surfing defined me. I was the surfer girl; but a funny thing happened. One morning I woke up and I was no longer the surfer girl. Other things took priority and my ability to paddle into a lineup slowly faded away. Did I say slowly faded? I meant crashed and burned within a day.

As I look back at that block of my life, it feels like I'm viewing the life of someone else. I don't recognize that girl and I don't relate. I want to, but I just don't. The same thing happens when I think about ex-boyfriends; it feels like they dated one of my friends and I know the story of their relationship, but I wasn't actually a part of it. It is as if I phase that block out of my life completely. I guess you can look at this as sad, but I prefer to see it as a girl who just keeps on evolving.

For the past two years, my life has been defined by the sport of triathlon. Sure, I've ventured out and tried ultra running, cooking and rock climbing, but triathlon keeps sneaking back into my life. It has become more evident now than ever before. My coach has me doing 2-4 workouts a day, which requires getting out of bed between 4:50-6:30 AM every day and hitting the sack somewhere between 11-12 every evening, depending on the day. I'm not complaining; I truly love it. I still try to make time for friends, too, so I haven't totally gone off the deep end. On Tuesdays, I have coffee in the morning with Jameisha and Lara after my run. Later in the evening, Kristine and I have begun a tradition of an hour-long swim followed by cooking a new recipe we find on Pinterest (thank God for Pinterest). Saturdays are my "day of rest", so I sometimes make an appearance with a friend then as well... okay... so maybe my training does take a front seat... but I have made a lot of new friends. Karen and I ran an extra 5 miles after our Tuesday morning track workout last week and this Tuesday, Jay and I went for an extra 6 while he told me about his introduction to running. Plus, it's great when Kristine or Jameisha join me in the pool.

First at Scott Tinley long course

Practicing the Wildflower bike course with Sloan last year

Delicious Tuesday evening meal with Kristine

I sincerely hope this block of my life lasts for awhile. I will be sad to see it go; to see the goggles disappear from my shower and the books by Dave Scott and Joel Friel get pushed to the back of my bookshelf. But I know the next stage of my life will be just as exciting if not more exciting than where I am now.


Cheers to good things yet to come and great things happening now (aka to blocks of life well spent)!

Toenails Are For Sissies

It was only 10AM and I had already run 9 miles, gone swimming for an hour and taught a cycle class. Just a typical day in the life of Ashlee.

My workouts have become a little more aggressive and time consuming. Three-four workouts a day on top of my classes. Yesterday on my easy run, my quads and calves could feel the effects of two hard runs prior that week. Sunday afternoon, I ran a timed 5k with Chad. Chad is one of the coolest guys I know and I'm really glad I've gotten to know him more through our workouts. He has such an incredible story and it is amazing what he and his wife are able to accomplish with four kids under the age of four. We met on the track around 3PM, right after I had eaten a giant burrito with Amy (knowing fully well I would feel nauseous during the test). After warming up, Jason had Chad and me line up at the waterfall and off we went. Three miles plus some. No big deal, right? But it was.

I started with a 7:00 mile. No problem. Then I lost everything. There was no digging deeper because there was no dirt left to dig into... it was all cement. All I wanted to do was pull off to the side and vomit. I could feel the amazingly-delicious-at-the-time burrito bouncing around threatening to take its second breath of life. Dig a little deeper when you think you can't dig no more. Okay, Jason Aldeen... I'll try. I checked my watch. I had slowed to an 8:00 pace. Ouch. Chad lapped me. Ouch. Just one more mile. Stay down, lunch. Stay down.

I finished in 23:24. Not so good. I need to shave 6:07 off of that and run another 3.1 miles at that pace if I want to finish first in February.

So, I lost my fifth toenail this week... but it doesn't even look like it because it's so callused. You know you're a runner when... PS you're welcome for the lovely image. 

That night, after work, I went to the pool to swim. I had forgotten that the pool closes early on Sunday, but the lifeguard allowed me to swim for 10:00 before he had to take off for the evening (I had to do a little flirting to get an extra 2:00, of course). 550 meters... better than nothing, I guess

Monday was an easy day and I didn't try to push on any of my workouts.

Rusty gave me some grief for not running with the group last Saturday, so I woke up early Tuesday morning to meet up with them. After warming up for 20:00, he asked me what my 5k time was. I told him 23:24 and he informed me that my warm-up was the same pace as my 5k time. He told me to run 3 sets of 2x400's at 1:48 with 1x800 at 3:37. The first two sets felt fine, but the last set was on my own and it pretty badly. It felt invigorating, but I definitely knew I was getting a good workout.

After cooling down on the track, I taught a cycle class. "Wow," a triathlete in my class said. "I hate cycle classes, but that was so fun! I'm going to come back again!" I finished the workout with 1850 yards in the pool. Halfway through my swim, aqua aerobics began. Something about the older people getting in the water gives it a funny consistency. I'm not joking; honestly, I wish I was. The water is a little thicker and tastes like strong perfume and urine. I forced myself to push through it. Since a class was in session, only one lane was open. A man with a snorkel was enjoying the second half of my lane. Then a third man joined. He was a strong swimmer, so I didn't mind circle swimming too much (one of the things I dislike most about the pool), but when a fourth man joined, the lane seemed a little crowded. With only 300 meters to go, I forced myself to stick around and finish strong, then I rinsed off and headed home.

That evening, I rode my bike to work. The weather was crisp and it was an easy and quick ride. Unfortunately, it is dark when I get off of work. It's not the smartest idea to bike home in the dark, but I wore my reflective gear and a headlamp. During one portion of the ride, I heard something rustling in a nearby bush and I swear I have never peddled so quickly in my life. Of course, I was met by a ditch while going all out speed and that was a little nerve racking, but I caught myself and corrected my wheel, making it home safely. Don't worry, Dad.. I took my knife and pepper spray. I was a good girl.

Wednesday was another busy day workout wise. I woke up late and allowed myself to stay in bed and read Drea's blog while cuddling with Scofield and laughing at texts being exchanged with my new friend Micah. When I finally stretched and leaped across the room over my mess, I threw on a swimsuit and headed out to the pool. Of course, I was dreading getting in the water, so I stopped by Peet's and got a cappuccino instead. I sat outside of the gym for a good 10:00, sipping the warm froth and texting Micah. I tried to give myself a pep talk; You can do this, Ash. There aren't too many people here. Just get it done and you can go home to shower before class. The sooner you start, the sooner you'll finish. 

The lanes were packed, but I found room in the slow lane and eased my way into the water. Let's do this. I warmed up for 350m then started my first 12:00 swim with flippers. At the end, I had traveled 650m. When I came up for a 2:00 break and ten seconds before it was time to begin my second 12:00 without fins, a cute French woman wanted to have a conversation. We spoke for awhile and I finally told her I had to return to my training. After 12:00, I added another 575m to my total. The woman introduced me to her male French friend who I was sharing my lane with. He informed me that I was much too fast to be swimming in the slow lane. I tried to convince him he was wrong, but as I looked around, I realized he was right... I think my swimming skills have slightly matured and I'm ready for the next level. I guess that's a good sign, right?

My skin is super sensitive due to a second degree sunburn I got when I was in high school. When I swim, my goggles always leave a mark and they last until early afternoon... yeah, really attractive. So I wore my awkward goggle eyes to the next gym to teach Power Cycle. There were three new members in class and they all seemed a bit hesitant, but excited to try something new. I made the class a little easier than normal, but by the end, everyone (including myself) was literally drenched in sweat. I swear I work my hardest at that gym even though there is no screen telling me my power output. I left feeling super confident about my abilities as an instructor.

Immediately after cycle, I drove out to my favorite beach for a 4 mile plus easy run.

Later at work, my cousin Jack Coleman came to see me! I ran across to the bike shop and threw my arms around him. "Do you greet all your customers that way," a man asked me. It was so great to have my cousin here! We met up with Amy after work and went to Eureka Burger. I don't know why Amy and I like to eat huge meals before my hard workouts, but we both ordered the fig burger. Jack ordered last; "I'll have the steak salad," he told the waitress. Thanks for making us look bad, Jack.

Jack and Amy came to Pure Awesomeness that evening and it was so great to have them there along with all my other friends. I really love my cousin and it was fun watching him struggle through the workout. Growing up, I always felt like I had to impress my cousins. I never felt quite as cool or rebellious as they were. It made my night when after class, Jack came up to me and said, "Wow. That was amazing! I don't know how you do that. I kept looking at you waiting for you to take a break. Over the past two years, you have really been impressing me." Then he said, "Come here, Cuz," and gave me a big, sweaty, smelly hug. It made me feel so great about myself, my accomplishments and my ability. Plus, this morning when we went out to breakfast, he told me about how sore he was. Hehehe.

So that's it. Boring blog post, but that's about all I have been up to. Training is going really well, I'm still turning the boys down and choosing to run instead (will things ever change?), work is perfect... I can't complain. I saw a chiropractor for my shoulder today and, after a lot of cracking noises, I think he opened me up a bit. I'm going to test that out during my swim later this evening. It felt good during cycle class today though!