I Make Plans To Break Plans

Last night, my friend asked me ideally where I would like to see myself in 5 years.

In order to answer this, I had to look back ten years. If you had asked me this when I was 16, I would have answered quickly and eagerly. "I want to be married to a handsome, wealthy surfer who has great arms and blonde, shaggy hair. We will live in a mansion in San Diego on Windansea where we will take our two children surfing every single day. My son will be a couple of years older than my daughter so that he may be her protector while growing up. I will be a professional singer/songwriter and life will be good." Oh man... how I have changed...

So we skip ahead to that 16-year-old five years later. A junior in college. "What are your plans for after you graduate?" My dad asked over Christmas. "I don't know," I brushed him off and continued texting with my friends. "Ashlee, you are paying $48,000 a year for school. You need to have a plan. What do you want to do five years from now?" I didn't know. I knew I wanted to be married and have kids while working as a physical therapist or sonogram technician by the time I was 26. If I was not married with kids and a great job, obviously, I had failed (in my 21-year-old brain). Dad had me take one of those job tests to find out what route I should be taking; my dad is all about planning for the future. After 3 hours of answering questions to the best of my ability, I was told I was a 99.7% match to be a fantastic funeral director. Eff that! No way was I going to one of the most prestigious Christian schools in the US in order to become a funeral home director. So sonogram technology... that's what I wanted to do in five years.

Fast forward to now: I am not a professional singer (though sometimes in the shower or in front of my bedroom mirror, I like to pretend I am), nor am I a sonogram technician. I do not own my own home. My husband is far from real. And kids? Oh my goodness! Thank you, Jesus, for not blessing me with children at a young age! These past five years have been full of learning and changing and growing and developing. I have become a woman whom I only wished I could be one day.

Five years from now... I have no idea where I will be or even where I would like to be. I think God has big plans for me and that is really exciting. So ideally, in five years, I would like to be serving God in whatever way he may need me to do so. I'm just excited because I feel like I am yearning to further his kingdom. I don't know what that looks like as of now, but I am definitely learning that making plans is pointless because ultimately God is in control and his plan is greater than any I could imagine.