Goodbye, Santa Barbara! See Ya Never!

Last week, Daddy woke up with excruciating pain in his neck. He never complains, but you can see how badly he is hurting by the way he holds his head in his shoulders, making his neck disappear, almost like the character of Gru in Despicable Me. We took him to the doctor only to discover what we already knew: He had herniated another disc and needs surgery.

We postponed the surgery so my mom and I could make our voyage down to Santa Barbara in order to pack up my belongings, meet with my lawyer and attend my best friend's wedding. Just prior to the trip, my doctor had removed my cast, which was beginning to feel like a permanent part of my body. My bed had also become like a new growth to my body, so having the cast removed and being placed in a walking boot was a HUGE relief. I still could only spend 5-10 minutes on my feet, but at least I was in a vertical position!
 

The morning we were supposed to leave for SB, my dad is sitting in the kitchen researching something online. I am in the kitchen cooking him food for the week and my mom is fussing around the house trying to get everything packed and ready to go. I remember teasing my dad about not throwing too many pillows at the cat (especially since a week before when we finished lunch in town, he stood up and exclaimed, "Hurry! Let's get home so we can throw more pillows at the cat!"). After I finished my sentence, my mom's phone rings and my sister is on the line. She wants to know if she should take work off and come down to California with us. My mom assures Kaylee that missing work is not an option, but while she is talking, something in my dad's head clicks. She hangs up the phone and my dad announces, "I'm going to come with you."

Food I made for Dad while we were away. It's still in the fridge...

An hour later, the three of us are getting into the family Suburban and making our trek down to my home.

The trip was rushed. I didn't get to see nearly as many people as I wanted to see, but I was able to attend my best guy friend's wedding, which was stunning. While home, I saw almost all of my roommates who have lived in that apartment: Sophia, Mavel (and her new baby!), Amy and Dana. I wanted to go by the gyms and the shoe store, but trying to hobble around in a boot is not easy plus I didn't have a ride most of the time. Still, being in the area just felt like home. I'm going to miss that apartment so much!

So weird to leave

 

 

Me with Baby Asher

Marie was by far the most beautiful bride I have ever seen

Fifty boxes of junk later, I realized I tend to use half a lotion bottle before opening a new one. I also keep every letter ever written to me. My bookshelves are filled with issues of Runner's World and books from my college days. Two shoe boxes are overflowing with flashcards from anatomy, human physiology and biomechanics classes. I have a problem with hanging onto absolutely everything.

Things you find when you're moving.  Hahahaha

Somehow, my parents were able to get everything loaded and put away. I was so blessed by their willingness to deep clean my apartment, always a smile plastered to their faces. They never complained, never became impatient. I have been so blessed by them for everything they have done for me, especially since I was hit by the car.

Three of my favorites in SB: Backyard Bowls

Jeannines

Los Agaves

We headed back up the coast after spending three days packing and cleaning in the heat. Along the way, I was able to see two of my cousins as well as one of my dearest friends. Annie was in San Lois Obispo, Renee in San Francisco and Jack in Redding. We drove the coast up and I was able to see Big Sur and Santa Cruz for the first time. I even saw the apartment complex my parents first lived in as a married couple! So cool! It was 117 degrees while we were on the road, so I was grateful for the air conditioning.

My cousin Annie

Elephant Seals!

Coolest car ever

My owl got to travel with us

Love seeing Jack!

Chocolate milk: Not just for kids

Yesterday was my first day walking without my boot. I have pitted edema, so it is difficult to get my foot in a shoe and it sort of hangs over the edge. The walking is clumsy and uncoordinated. I have a slight limp and a bit of pain, but I am walking, which is a huge miracle! My physical therapist was beaming when he saw me yesterday. He was so excited to get me moving and strengthening the tendon.

I truly have been blessed by everyone I have come across during this process. I still receive letters and e-mails from my class participants at Killer B and the YMCA. Thank you for your well wishes! My friends in Santa Barbara have been so intentional about staying in contact and I appreciate that so much. My lawyer has been absolutely wonderful and totally on top of things, which is good because I have no idea what I'm doing. My family has been entirely selfless and have sacrificed so much for me: money, plans, dreams, time... I cannot even find the words to thank them. My extended family has been wonderful as well. Twenty-six fantastic cousins who all check in on me regularly, grandparents who send me books and text me to see how I am and aunts and uncles who are just incredible. My physical therapist is awesome, always excited to try to push me a little bit further and improve the strength of the tendon. It's cool to have someone be as excited as you are about the small movements and improvements. Lastly, my friends here in Oregon. There aren't many left, but the ones who are here have been so good about coming out of their way to entertain me, even when it meant we were sitting in bed talking about childhood memories or watching a movie.

I do plan to return to Santa Barbara after I can teach and train again, but I can honestly say I miss it. Santa Barbara has become my home and the people there are family to me. I can't wait to be back.

I Walked Yesterday!

These past 4.5 months have been incredibly humbling. I went from spending at least 7 hours a day being extremely and purposefully active to laying in bed all day every day. I knew this experience would challenge me physically, but I was not aware of how much I would be affected mentally.

My last day in Santa Barbara, I taught a Pilates class. After class, Susan waited around on her bike until everyone else had said their goodbyes and left. "I'm really worried about you," she said, her face clearly expressing her emotion.

"Oh, I'll be fine," I laughed it off like I always do.

Susan touched my arm. "No, I'm worried about your mental state. After your surgery, you will be completely inactive. That is your life; it's who you are. I'm worried you will battle depression."

Though I knew she had a valid point, I was positive that would never happen to me. I assured her that I would come back stronger and more determined than ever.

It's been encouraging to hear comments from clients, friends, family and even ex-boyfriends who have told others, "If anyone can get through this, Ashlee can." I am completely determined to recover and come back stronger than I was at the peak of my training; yet, there are moments when I find myself in doubt, begging God to show me his purpose behind this accident.

After two months of wearing a cast, I have finally been placed into a walking boot, which is a HUGE relief. Five minutes of standing is all it takes to exhaust me, but at least I can stand! I even got to walk across the room at my physical therapist's office yesterday!

It will still be awhile until I can run, which is discouraging, but the doctor has been impressed with how quickly I am recovering. Yesterday, as he was talking to my family about the strength of the tendon, he referred to my surgery as the scariest one he had ever performed. "When I pulled the two ends of the tendon together," he started. "They looked like this." He held his fists about an inch away from each other, showing that they weren't even touching when he stitched them up. "I did not expect it to hold. I had her at such extreme angles of pronation and dorsiflexion just to keep as little stress off of that tendon as possible."

I am so fortunate to be healing the way I am. I have been so encouraged by the stories of others who have been through similar situations. Exchanging training methods with my friend Jesse, also a triathlete and three-time winner of Wildflower Triathlon, has been incredibly helpful. Two books that have touched me are the stories of Bethany Hamilton and Lauren Scruggs. Bethany is a professional surfer who lost her arm in a shark attack. Despite only having one functioning arm, she is one of the most incredible, powerful surfers in the world. Lauren is a fashion blogger who had strong faith in God even when she lost her left arm and eye after walking into a plane propeller.

The most inspiring example during my time of recovery has been that of my father. Years ago, he woke up to excruciating pain in his neck. He had ruptured one of his cervical discs and was rushed into surgery at the hospital. After having his discs fused together, my dad was no longer able to perform dentistry. He sold his dental practice and has found other ways to fill his time since, including freelance photography, fixing and building computers, helping to start a Christian academy, adventuring with my mom, becoming an avid fly fisherman, etc. My dad has very limited ROM in his neck, yet in the six or seven years since his surgery, I have yet to hear him complain. My father shows strength, patience and perseverance through the most difficult times. This last weekend, even when he woke in immense pain to another ruptured disc, he was kind, calm and showed gratitude for all of my mother's help. He has set a wonderful example of how to behave in times of trial.

The tackle box I gave Dad for Father's Day

Through this experience, I have learned how to be resourceful and creative with my abilities, how to be a good patient and how to stay strong mentally and physically during hard times.

11 Things My Father Was Right About

1. My sister and I are the prettiest girls in the world.
2. Nat King Cole.
3. You should always keep jumper cables in your car... just in case.
4. Righty-tighty, lefty-loosey.
5. That guy really wasn't good enough for me.
6. I do not need a pony.
7. Paying $200 for a haircut is crazy.
8. Flossing really is the secret to a healthy smile.
9. Being a trek-y actually is kinda cool.
10. I have grown into an amazing woman.
11. Yes, honey, all your male "friends" do secretly want more.
12. No matter what I do, he will always love and be there for 
me.   

Love you, Daddy! And I'm loving waking up to a freshly-made cappuccino every morning and watching you chase the cat around the house, but pretty please don't break my other leg to keep me here!

Unshaved Legs, Messy Hair, No MakeUp and an Open Book

Hello and high-five from me!

A hush falls over the crowd as she teeters on her crutches and begins to fall backwards. This athlete won't let herself fail though. She has to take extra precautions so she doesn't land on her cast (again) and crack it open. All attention must be given to balancing on those crutches.

Tucking her hips forward, she kicks her uninjured leg in front of her body and springs her body in a forward motion. This must be what a three-legged dog feels like.

The life of an injured athlete is far from dull. Creativity definitely comes into play in order to keep oneself from going absolutely insane. Three months ago, after my accident, I caught up on all of my favorite television shows, read some great books and worked on the SBR website. One can only watch so much Hulu and Netflix before driving themselves up the wall. When I turned on an episode of The Babysitter's Club, I knew I was in trouble.

Looking out at the mountains in Central Oregon is driving me crazy with desire! All I want to do is get out on the PCT or climb one of the Sisters. It didn't help when Josh sent me a bunch of YouTube videos showing bad a$$ ultras. I just want to be out on the trails!

Glass half-full outlook: I am realizing how passionate I am about running and being outdoors. Once I am able to get back on my feet, I am going to train smart and kick some booty!

It was inevitable that I was going to gain some weight. For an athlete, even a smidgen of extra fat around the hips seems like a huge setback. Eat healthy, RICE (rest, ice, compress and elevate) and be happy, right? Unfortunately, even with a 1200-calorie-a-day diet, the lack of movement promotes unwanted fat cells. I know I'm not fat, but I was in shape and felt great about my body while working out 7 hours a day. Now I'm a sedentary oompaloomp who stays at home, knits, paints and watching repeat episodes of Prison Break.

When Scofield is not eating my flowers, she likes to keep me company in bed.

Glass half-full outlook: I have been super careful about the foods I use to nourish my body. It's been great because I have realized how much a cup of spinach can hold me over without feeling like I need to add a side of (inset name of empty calorie dish here). When I was training, I loved rewarding myself with frozen yogurt or a handful of dark chocolate chips (and by handful, I mean a bag-full); now, I am totally content eating a few Brazil nuts to satisfy my sweet tooth. I don't think that ever would have happened if I was not forced to cut my caloric load in half.

A typical injured-Ashlee lunch

I truly have learned a lot during this time of unshaved legs and messy hair. The forced time-out on life has given me the opportunity to explore career options and decide what I truly want from life. It's like graduating high school all over again and having the world ahead of me. I can do whatever I want with my life, be whoever I want to be, live wherever I want to live. As long as I keep an optimistic outlook, I know I will benefit from this time of rest.

Hahahaha sorry, Kaylee, but this is so us and I love us

PLUS, I was able to see my best friend, who I haven't seen in 2 years and one of my super close girlfriends from high school who I haven't seen in 8 years. Both of them brought their kiddies, so it was cool to see all they have accomplished since I last saw them! My cousin also came to visit and it was nice to catch up with her. ALSO, SHOUT OUT TO THE BEST COACH EVER. Last Thursday, Jesse Thomas and I were chatting about the training we have been doing since we both had surgery on our legs recently. He was shocked when I told him my coach had me training for two hours on the Vasa. Jesse said he can barely do two consecutive minutes! There is always an upside to having to take a break from lower-body training. Thanks, Jason Smith (aka BEST COACH ON THE PLANET) for making me a bad ass on the Vasa.

Baby James

My Evil Elevator Scheme

Last year, I was blessed by the friendship of a girl who enjoyed playing tag in the Tetons, singing worship at the top of her lungs and using a pirate accent when teaching kiddies how to canoe. There are not many people as carefree and in love with life as this girl.

At the end of our summer together, she gifted me with a note. All summer long, she would set goals for me to attain (such as LEARN HOW TO COOK, since I was the chef yet had never cooked a real meal before). This final summer list of goals included singing Black Keys' Gold on the Ceiling  at the top of my lungs in an elevator (thank God she did not include surrounded by people you don't know).

I've been in bed for almost three months now and I'm pretty bored. I have cleaned out all of my junk files, read every single diary I kept while growing up, starting writing a book, etc. But my blog has been lacking. This has been made clear to me by many readers.

So, I will grace you all with a new blog post. Like most of my recent posts, it has nothing to do with athletics (though I do plan to write a post on recovery, nutrition and training soon).

Here it goes. This blog post is titled My Evil Elevator Scheme, or How to Annoy the Hell out of People so You Never Have to Share An Elevator Again:

1. Sing Ave Maria at the top of your lungs completely out of tune.
2. Shyly smile at the person next to you. Look down at the floor. Then fake a yawn and stretch maneuver, placing your hand on their shoulder and drawing them into your side.
3. Hold the doors open and pretend you are waiting for a friend. After a little while, allow them to close and say, "Hey, Larry. How are you today?"
4. Pretend there is a spider on you. Scream like a little girl and shake it off dramatically. Stomp at the floor with your foot, like you are squishing him. Then start crying and begging him forgiveness.
5. Take out your cell phone and begin taking pictures of people. Make sure they say, "Cheese!"
6. Drop a pen. When someone goes to pick it up, scream, "That's mine!"
7. When there is only one other person in the elevator with you, tap them on the shoulder then pretend it wasn't you.
8. Stare at someone next to you, smiling awkwardly. When they give you a funny look, announce, "This is my first time riding in an elevator".
9. Pretend you are a flight attendant. Welcome the other passengers and review emergency procedures and exits. 
10. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
11. Any time a button is pushed, make a funny sound. 
12. Push the buttons and pretend they gave you an electrical shock. Smile and do it again.
13. Set up a desk in the corner and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.
14. Do the macarena and encourage people to join in.  
15. Growl every time a new person enters the elevator.

Potty Mouth

On occasion, my dad likes to remind me how much school debt I have. He will say things such as, "Ashlee, you have to do something with your career because it was such-and-such amount. Don't you wish you had gone to Oregon State or UofO?" To that I quickly respond, "Hells to the no!" I had to most incredible college experience and I wouldn't trade those memories for any amount of money.

My first year of school, I lived in a section with all the transfer students. Out of all the girls in my section, I was the only one under 20-years-of-age... the baby. Dana and I shared the room on the right. You could never see the floor in that room and there were always stacks of half-filled coffee cups decorating the counter space. Across the hallway, Tiffany and Nicole set up camp. They had the largest room, the room where everyone went to relax on the couch. Nicole left halfway through the year and Elise moved in. In the middle of our rooms was Lara's space. Her original roommate moved out before school even officially started, but Cosy moved in a couple of weeks later.

We had an amazing RA who liked to do fun art projects for us. One of these art projects was our "Potty Mouth", a little notebook and pen hanging from a string in the toilet stall. Inside, she wrote:

Greetings-
This notebook is for the enjoyment of anyone who visits or frequently spends time in this stall.
You are free to draw pictures, recite poetry, quote sonnets, ask mind boggling questions or talk about pointless things. Use it for whatever you wish... except wiping!
Happy pottying-
Kiley

Despite the infinite amount of germs that must have plagued that booklet, we wrote in that thing like we were being paid $100 per word.

By Christmas break, we had filled the notebook and its cover. One day, I walked into the stall and noticed something was missing... the string was barren. I ran out of the bathroom before attending to business.

"Where is the book," I hollered. The girls ran out of their rooms. No one knew where the book was. Accusations began to fly. Soon, the book was replaced by my fascination with The Real World and an idea to start our own Real World: Clark Edition. As wonderful as our videos were, nothing could ever replace our Potty Mouth.

Fast forward to the end of our first year. As we all packed our belongings and said tearful goodbyes, Cosy gave us each a present. She had taken the Potty Mouth and copied each page, cut it out and created individualized Potty Mouths for each of us. It was one of the best gifts I have ever been given. It was such a great gift, in fact, that when I stumbled upon it this evening, I knew it was too good not to share. Most of it you really won't understand unless you were in our suite or one of our close friends... sorry about that!

Here are some of the best photos and comments from the 2007 bestseller Potty Mouth:
 

Ashlee:

Artwork by Ashlee

This is what we should be for Halloween, yeah?

Tiffany:
There are five of us ;)
Nicole:
    Nicole-Baby Spice
    Tiff-Scary Spice
    Ash-Ginger Spice
    Dana-Posh Spice
    Lara-Scary Spice
Tiffany:
Of course you would put me as Scary Spice. Whatever!
Lara:
Okay, we're not seriously going to be the Spice Girls, are we? I'm not sure how I feel about that ;)
Dana:
You feel great :)
Lara:
Just like Tony the Tiger!

Artwork by Tiffany

Cosy:
If you have a lot of homework, clap your hands.
If you never get to sleep, clap your hands
If you're tired and you know it
Then your bags (under your eyes) will surely show it.
If you're tired and you know it C.H.P.
Ashlee:
Clap Clap!
Cosy:
So it's 2:20AM and I am still up. CLAP CLAP CLAP 
3:45am  CLAP CLAP
Yes! 5:00am I am going to bed.

Tiffany: It's time to drop the Cosby's off at the pool.
Dana: Does that mean you're pooping?
Tiffany: Yes.
Dana: Let's write a story. Add a word of phrase to the story:
Many years ago, in a land where the streets were trampolines and pirate booty fell from the sky, there lived a boy penguin who wanted a rubix cube. Benny the penguin tried to think of ways he could get the magical square when...up walked a blind old beggar with a cane. Or so Benny thought the man was blind. Little did he know... it was a fairy woman in disguise. Benny was astonished and asked for three wishes. The fairy said he could get them if...  He dropped the Cosby's off at the pool... and that's how Benny was potty-trained.
Dana:This is definitely the next top selling children's story!

Nicole: HAPPY FINALS WEEK! :)
Ashlee: Happy?
Dana: 4 more days! (Some of you lucky ducks only have 3)
Lara: I can feel the end. So close I can almost taste it.
Cosy: That taste is the chips we have been eating in the wee hours of the morning.

Dorm Christmas Decoration Ideas

Ashlee: Phil asked for my #.
Cosy: Whatever. He gave me his #: 857-5309

Ashlee: I got a nice bit of red on my undies to help me celebrate Valentines
Dana: OH MY GOSH! That is the funniest thing we heard all day!
Elise: I'm so glad you shared that with us. That is great/big news!

Dana: So I'm peeing and the cleaning lady walked in. Awkward.
 

Tiff, Elise, Cosy, Lara, me, Dana

And we will never forget Nicole!