The Boyfriend Application

When a single girl reaches her mid-twenties, there is always one question that is brought up in every single conversation she has: So... do you have a boyfriend? It is the question that, unless the answer is yes, no girl really wants anyone to ask her; mostly, because if the answers no, people want to know why not. If she answers yes, she has to tell every single detail: Where she met him, what he's like, does he have a solid job, etc. As if we young women didn't have enough pressure to find Mr. Perfect already.

As my daddy made his way to Wyoming to drive me back home after camp, I knew the topic of my future would come up. The walls in the cabin we stayed in the first night were paper thin. I should have thought of this as I spoke with Nani over the phone, but I knew Dad would find out eventually.

"We have that amazing kiss then he basically ignores me for a week then he begged me not to leave and kissed me again! I don't understand him," I complained to my dear friend.

"Who kissed you," Dad wanted to know. Of course he did. So I told him who kissed me and I told him how I felt about the individual. He didn't say anything.

A full day passed before the topic of men was mentioned again. We were driving through Idaho and had just finished fishing the Snake River.

"So, Ashlee," he started. "What is the next step in your life? Are you going to get married? If so, where will you go to meet this man?"

Uhhmmmm.... "I am just enjoying each day as it comes, Daddy. I don't want to go out and pursue a man. When the timing is right, it will happen. I'm not worried about it. I'm really enjoying being single right now."

That wasn't good enough for him.  "Well, Ash, are you going to have kids? If you are, I think doing what you're currently doing for a career is fine, but if you don't think you'll have kids, you should probably go back to school and further your education to get a better job. I just don't want you to get into more debt if you are going to try to juggle a family on top of that."

Mahhh! I have spent my entire life worrying about the future. I thought I would be married by the age of twenty, have my first child at 21 so I could be a young mom, be a physical therapist, etc. When I was 19, I got engaged. He was fun and carefree. A musician. Every love song he wrote was about me. Sweet boy, but that's exactly what he was... a boy. When I realized that, I broke it off. So much for being married at a young age.

At the age of twenty-one, I was in another serious relationship. Another great guy. He loved me to the point where it felt like he was already part of the family. He came home with me for Christmas. Things got serious. I started freaking out. What if I was choosing the wrong future for myself? So I pulled away and that relationship fizzled away. Well, not really fizzled. Popped, banged, hammered... any loud commotion you can think of. It was the most out of body experience I ever had.

I still was planning my future though. When Josh and I started dating, he was the first person to say, "Stop worrying about the future, Ashlee. Enjoy the moment. What will be, will be." So I did just that. There was the occasional freak out moment where I was faced with major life decisions and thought the world would come to an end if I chose door B instead of door A. Josh just reminded me to breath; things would work out.

Then Wyoming was put on my plate. It was the first time in my life that I felt I truly let go and let God. I have spent years trying to "trust God", but I never was able to let go of the steering wheel. Finally I did and it was one of the best decisions of my life.

I told Dad that. "I just need to trust God. He will bring someone when he knows I'm ready. I'm not going to go searching. It will happen if it's supposed to happen."

But my dad isn't the only one getting on my case about it; today I went hiking by myself. As I climbed up to Broken Top, I ran past a couple who was speaking a different language.

My new friends

"Wow," the man exclaimed to his companion. "She is fast!" He turned his attention to me, "I'm going to join you!"

I laughed, but kept on running up the hill. The mountains came into view and I stopped to take a photo. The couple passed me, so I had to run by them again.

"Hey," the man said loudly. "Do you recognize my tongue?"

Excuse me?

"What language you think I speak," he asked.

Italian?

They seemed offended. The woman spoke up defensively, "No! We are from Russia!" She smiled, "Are you Polish?"

Norwegian, but I was born and raised here in the US.

"Oh! What part," she asked.

I live in California.

"Oh yes," she said. "California is beautiful!"

The man chimed in, "You alone? Where is you boyfriend?"

"I don't have one," I exclaimed. "Just going on an adventure alone!"

They seemed appalled. "You no have a boyfriend," the man gasped. Then his face lit up. "I will marry you!" His wife hit his bottom with her walking pole and said a phrase in Russian. 

They asked some more questions about my being single and what I do for a living. It was cute. Then I took off running up the hill, thinking about how lucky I am to be single right now. My childhood best friend is pregnant with her second baby right now. Second baby! She is only 25 and she is about to have baby #2! I cannot believe I wanted a family by that age! At this point in my life, I cannot even imagine being tied down, not being able to just go on a 50-mile bike ride or 4-hour hike by myself. I love the stage of life I am in right now. I'm not worried about what tomorrow holds. Every day is a new adventure. If I was married with kids, I probably would not have been able to play dodgeball with Tiffany and her husband this evening or take the Hummel girls hiking tomorrow. I definitely would not have gone to Wyoming for the summer. Think of all the adventures I would have missed out on!!!

When I do meet a man though, I have discovered what I do and don't want in a future boyfriend. Ha! Dana and I totally made a boyfriend application during our first year of college. Questions such as Do you have a tattoo? If you got one, where and what would it be? or What is your favorite thing about my best friend? graced its pages. We made Jonah take it before he and I started dating. He did really well on the application part but flipped out on me later that night for putting him through a "test"... guess testing your boyfriend to see if he's good enough isn't the greatest idea.

I don't ask for a lot, but I do need a man who will explore with me. I have dated boys who think the best date night is going out to a fancy restaurant and parading you on their arm or staying in and watching Star Wars while eating cinnamon sugar toast. Don't get me wrong; these are both excellent date ideas... but every single time you hang out? I want a man who challenges me physically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally. I am the type of girl who sees a path that looks abandoned and decides to explore that path instead of staying on the main trail. If I see two trails and a person is hiking one path, I'll take the other to have a new experience. I hate running the same trail twice. I need a man who understands, supports and encourages that mindset.

Oh boys. Boys turn to men. Men turn to stone. Bahhh. This blog could go on for awhile. Conversations about how once men get older, they get less interested and I would prefer being interesting than married... I don't even know. As Tucker once told me, "Ashlee, you are really complicated." Oh boy, you have no idea... If I can't figure myself out, we have a problem.