The Girl Who Didn't Use Towels

It has come to my attention that people know me better than I think they do. I am the type of person who does not notice details. "Oh you got your ears pierced!" "Uhm... in second grade, Ash." ...oops. But I've been trying to change that as of late.

This summer, my friends would make comments that helped me realize how much of an open book I am. My first day in Sisters, I decided to run the three miles from Greg's office to my house. My mom passed by on her way home from coffee. She was laughing as she pulled the car over and said, "You run like an old woman!"  Inside, I thought, Whatever, Mom! I'm not used to running on flat road! I've been climbing hills all summer. Instead I said, "Better to run like an old woman than have the knees of an old man." Wha-bam! There it was. Facebook status Online for the world to see. Josh, the person who probably knows me better than anyone else, commented, "Does that mean you're going to stop running?" My response: "Is Boba fett Mandalorian?" (C'mon, people... Star Wars...) Not being a Star Wars nerd like myself, he commented, "Yeah, that doesn't answer my question, and I only asked because I know you well enough to know you wont run slow or take it easy." Ugh... I needed to be reminded of that. Of course, the same man who knows I never dry off after getting out of a body of water knows that I don't like to rest or go easy. 

Photo courtesy of www.superherostuff.com

Then Jonah surprised me in a text conversation. He wanted to know why I was in Oregon instead of back in California. "My best friend from my childhood passed away." "Matthew? Oh wow, Ashlee, are you okay?" "Wow... how did you remember that?" He explained to me that I used to be priority to him so what was important to me was important to him. Other people from my past were concerned about me after Matthew's death as well. I felt incredibly supported and shocked when people who I hadn't spoken to in years were calling to check up on me before I even posted my blog. Monica wanted to let me know I was in her prayers. Ashley called constantly to check in on me and see how I was doing. (He was her boyfriend... shouldn't I be the one checking on her?) Michelle was texting me every day to see if I needed support. Even when I spent time with Matt's parents, they reminded me of all the great memories we had when I was younger. It was amazing to see how much people cared and remembered about me. I tend to put things in the back of my mind and they seem like part of a book instead of reality. When I try to look at my past, I feel like I'm reading a fairytale, not remembering the words that guarantee a smile on someone's face or the look that person gets when they are upset. 

Is my problem that I've become so focused on myself, I've forgotten to study my friends and get to know them? Sophia remembers when I make dumb comments like, "I miss having a dirt tan line", but I couldn't tell you what she said to me this morning after my run and before work. My mom remembered that Virginia is the one state I've wanted to visit since I was in third grade, but I could not tell you which states my mom has and has not been to in her lifetime. I don't think the problem is I don't care about my friends, because I do. Really, honestly... I do! 

I've been making an effort to pay better attention. When Tiffany and I met up in Bend last week, I studied her face while we sat at the picnic table. She has always been pretty, but this time, I noticed her freckles and the maturity in her eyes. She has a thin face and her hair is always perfectly pinned, allowing the gentle waves of her light brown hair to fall loosely along her shoulders. Since the day I met her five years ago, I've been envious of how beautiful the girl is, but I didn't realize the magnitude in her natural beauty until this summer. 

When I met with Matt's mom, my second mother, also known as Aunt SherSher, I was stunned by her radiance. She held herself with such a confidence and moved in a carefree manner that was somehow still so graceful, calm and collected. Her skin looked young and fresh and her raven hair looked fuller and more vibrant than it did when I was a child. Despite the loss of her eldest child, she looked more at peace and youthful than before. 

I am starting to notice these little details in everyone I speak with. Today was my first day back to work and I started to notice new characteristics in all of my clients. Alan has lost weight and looks fantastic from head to toe. Terri's hair has gotten lighter and it brings out the color in her eyes more. These are things I would not normally notice. 

My goal for September is to begin to examine my friends and family more. I want to know them the way that they know me. I want to know what Grylls did for his fifth birthday, why my sister is terrified of insects and what Kaitlin likes to put on her biscuits. In college, I had a tenancy to learn facts for the test and forget them as soon as the school year was over; I don't want that to be the case here. I want to learn in order to better understand people and help them through rough patches or just make life more worthwhile in general. 

When I was at my parents' house, I found this old journal I had taken to school and had my friends fill out in order to get to know them better. On the first page, each friend wrote his or her name and the following pages each had a question on them. Who is your favorite actress? When is your birthday? What is your biggest fear? I want to continue to strive to know the answers to those questions.

I'm not sure how to tie this all together because it's late and I'm tired and want to move on to my next project, so I will leave you with a little bit about myself:

• I hate taking the same path twice. Driving to work makes me crazy because there are only so many paths you can take and so many means in which you can take them before they become dull. 
• Anything that has to do with Star Wars makes me super happy. When my mom and I drove down to California, I read her this Star Wars fan-fiction book that Sophie bought me at the opp shop. It was amazing. In fact, it was so good, I read it by headlamp light so I could finish it before we got home. I even used the voices and tried to imitate Darth Vader's heavy mask-breathing.   
• I would much rather go on a long hike or run than shop downtown or go out to a bar. In fact, I feel incredibly uncomfortable at bars or dance clubs. Since I can't dance, when I'm out on the floor, I feel like everyone is judging me, even though I know they could care less. 
• Painting and creating things makes me incredibly happy. One of the top five best feelings in the world is having acrylic paint on my legs, in my hair and underneath my fingertips. There are no rules in art; it is your own style and anything goes. There are no deadlines, no expectations. It is a total form of release. 
• When I get out of the pool, the ocean or the shower, I don't dry off with a towel. It's not that I don't want to. I even have tried in the past, but Denise and Josh just made fun of me because supposedly I did it incorrectly. Many experiences have I had with wet legs and jeans that just won't go on or a silk top that suddenly had water stains from my dripping hair. 
• If I could only listen to one genre of music for the rest of my life, it would be country music. There is a country song for every moment life throws at you. No, you don't need to own a dog named Jake, drive a pick-up truck or have your significant other leave you for another person; there are songs about barefoot, blue jean nights, kissing on high overlooks and long, hot summers. I don't know how I grew up in a cowboy town yet never enjoyed country music until a few years after I left it. 
• Last thing for the night: I love it when people think I'm hardcore. Grylls claimed I'm good at everything. Rolf said he thought of me when he saw people running one of the highest points in Switzerland and thought that would be me someday. Tucker saying that I would totally run to the top of the Grand Teton every weekend if I lived in Jackson. Doug and Spurge commenting that I would probably go run 6 miles after an intense plyometrics class one night... which I did. When people think I'm super hardcore, it makes me want to be more hardcore. I think it's that way in every aspect of my life. If people thought I was organized, I might want to be more organized. One of my boss's never has positive feedback to give me, though I know he does value what I do, otherwise I wouldn't still be teaching at this gym. He never says anything nice about my abilities though; all I hear is him telling me how great other instructors are. I think he does it so I will continue to strive to be better, but when members are telling me I'm the hardest instructor they've ever had but all I ever hear my boss say is how great other people are, it makes me not want to work as hard. But I do anyways because my participants need me!

Thanks, Sophie!

 
I am totally rambling. No more. I'm going to try to sleep since I have to take my mom to the airport in four hours then have breakfast with Jayton! Yay! Then go to San Diego and meet Baby Isla, celebrate Dana's half-birthday and spend some quality time with my grandparents! Ahh.... see? Rambling. Night, blogesphere.