Dirt.

I'm not going to lie to you; my workouts have been dirt. Not the good dirt. Not the dirt that I love. Not that dirt that flew off the car every time I closed my door in Wyoming. No, my workouts have been the kind of dirt you find underneath a porta potty. Gross, right? Yeah. Now you know how I've been feeling since I got back to California.

Running is hard. SO hard. I cannot get my legs to lift. My lung capacity from all that training in altitude has been great, but my legs feel HEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVY heavy heavy. Like the legs of an elephant. But I don't have the strength of an elephant. I have the strength of a puny 13-year-old girl. My motivation to train has flown out the window as well. And man, it flew fast! It was like a hungry sparrow that saw a worm for the first time in three days and dove as fast as its wings would let it go. Yeah, that sparrow and my motivation fly at the same rate.

I think I'm a little embarrassed to run. There are actually people in California. They see me. And they judge. They judge hard. I know because I used to be one of the judging people. Oh man... look at the way that guy overpronates. Oooo... that girl is never going to win a race if she won't pick her feet up. Sure, I always tell people that no one cares what you are doing because they are too focused on their own workout. Yeah... that's semi-true. But, people notice. They don't care really. And they won't remember you the next day. But I am so tired of people noticing my imperfections and I would rather they not! So... if I don't run, they won't notice, right? But if I don't run, I'll get fat and I can't be fat and work at a running store and fitness gyms. It is such a catch-22. 

Run, I must. Run, I will. I just... well, my hips are wider than they were in my fat days. My pace is slower than it was in my slow days. And my ability to run for long periods of time is completely shot. I wish I was exaggerating. I keep waiting for the morning I wake up and everything is back to the way it should be. So far, it hasn't happened.

Now that we've established the non-existance of my training, let's talk about the glimmer of hope I've seen in my classes. I am kicking butt! People are so excited that I'm back! After my noon cycle class, they were cheering and saying, "Yup... she's back." They were begging me not to bring the dogs. Everyone has said they have missed my workouts. Makes me feel AWESOME! I'm so glad to be back to teaching. That truly is my passion. I feel so blessed to know the people I do and to work with the individuals who are enthusiastic about breaking a little... okay, a huge sweat.

Now... how do I get their motivation and apply it to my runs? Hmm...