How Much Is Too Much?

Photo courtesy of Google

I have a confession: When I walk down the street or down the hallway at the gym, sometimes I think people are talking about me. Seriously... when I feel cute, I could swear every guy around is giving me a second glance. So yesterday evening, when this man walked up to his friend and said, "Here's your chance, go get your girl", I thought uh-oh. Immediately, I realized how silly I was being. Very rarely when I think someone is talking about me is he actually talking about me. Keeping my head held high, I began to walk up the ramp toward my classroom.

"Hey, are those the new shoes," a loud, masculine voice called from behind me.

I continued walking. He was definitely not talking to me. I was wearing my disgustingly dirty Brooks. The white ones with salmon ridging that I demanded Nick special order for me. No longer are they white. I never wanted a pair of white shoes anyway. Wyoming caked dirt, bacon grease and who-knows-what-else all over them and there is no possible way in the history of possible ways that someone could think this shoe was new.

"They are, aren't they? Those are that new shoe that just came out!" The voice was closer now and definitely was directed towards me.

I turned around, expecting the man to realize he had been wrong and walk away. He looked down on me from his 6'4 or 5" frame. His ears had diamonds in them, which were the size of bling only a woman should sport. Around his arm was a sweatband (I've never understood the point of those) and he was dressed in fancy basketball clothes with expensive court shoes. Really?

"Damn, those are the new shoes, aren't they? Check you out," he said.

"Oh, haha. No," I said, cheerfully. "Just really, really dirty."

"Oh, they look like this new shoe that has paint splattered all over it."

"Nope, just mud!" I started to turn because obviously this conversation was done... in my book. But Mr. I-sport-big-muscles-and-spend-all-my-free-time-hitting-on-ladies-at-the-gym had more to say.

"I'm Brian."

"Ashlee." We shook hands. It was not magical. In fact, it was sweaty and wet.

"So, uh, you work here, don't you? Yeah, I always see you teaching those classes and yelling at people and I was like, 'She must work here'."

Oooo... you're smart, aren't you, Brian?

"Yeah, your classes look hard," he continued.

"Hey, Ash," a familiar voice called.

"Joey!!!! Hi, are you coming tonight," I asked excitedly.

"Yeah, see you there!"

"What is tonight," Brian asked. "Didn't you just teach cycle?"

"Yes, but now I am teaching Pure Awesomeness. You are welcome to come. It's just weight lifting and plyometric drills. It's really fun. Everyone is welcome," I informed him like every good instructor should.

"Yeah, I'll be there." Of course you will. "Hey, why don't you take my number. I mean, I see you working out all the time and I would love to get together and work out with you." Really, dude? "Here, you've got your phone right there. Call me. Could we grab Starbucks sometime?"

"Hey, Brian," I said as kindly as I could. "I'm a competitive triathlete and runner and I'm not really looking to go out and meet new guys. I'm flattered, but I'm really not interested in anything. I don't have the time or commitment right now." I should have told him I was married...

"Oh, don't get me wrong. I got the impression that you're a hard worker and an athlete. So am I! That's why I approached you. You seem like somebody I can hang out with and someone who would be up for helping me work out and I would love that! I hope that's okay with you. Is it?"

What do I say? Grrrrr.... "Sure."

"Awesome. Of course I would like to hang out with you and get to at least know you. Is that okay? I'm just looking forward to having fun."

"Yeah, if I have any spare time. I kinda work a lot. But you should come to class! Okay, bye!"

UGHGHGHHGHGHGH! Don't get me wrong; it is flattering to have men notice you and say nice things, but there is a point when you realize that only men you would never go for hit on you. Like the man downtown today who asked me if I liked Eminem or Dr. Dre more.

"Uhmm," I responded.

"Or Tupac, you know, whoever," he tried to help me out.

"Well, I guess Eminem. I don't really listen to rap."

"Oh, really? And here my buddy and I thought you were going to say Dr. Dre. Hey, could I get a quarter for the bus?"

"I don't have any money, sorry."

"Well, how about your number?"

"Nope," I snapped as I walked away.

Then there was the fat little guy at Blenders. He was so cheerful and stoked to be helping me. Then he had to end it with, "So do you come around here often? Do you think I'll get to see you again?"

It's so nice to get that attention in the beginning. I'll admit, I've led many a guy on just so I could hear him tell me how pretty I am and all the great things he likes about me, but without having to waste any kisses on them. But things add up and soon I find myself deleting too many unwanted text messages and ignoring too many calls. Wow, I'm a jerk, aren't I? But seriously, when will they stop? Will someone please make me a sign that says, "Please don't hit on me unless you are tall, skinny, ruggedly handsome, rock climb, backpack and wear flannel?"

Courtesy of Google

Wedding Invitation

Dearest Friends and Family,

Running and I have decided to get married. I know.. big step. We want you all to be happy for us. Following, you will find a slideshow detailing the history of how Running and I fell in love.

It all started when I was a young girl. Though I enjoyed being active, I would never have considered myself a "runner". Running pursued me, but I stayed FAR away from him.

In middle and high school, I started dating Volleyball. He was fun and full of energy and I thought I had finally found "the one". I bought knee pads and short shorts to impress him, but he always seemed disinterested in my attempts. Hours of laughter, tears, sweat and high-intensity interval training was spent trying to please him, but when it came down to crunch time, he just wasn't impressed with my overhand serve. Although my underhand serve was unstoppable, without a killer overhand, he refused to commit.

Every time I was late for one of Volleyball's and my dates, my coaches would make me run a lap around the gym for every minute. I hated that and the warmup laps. Nothing about Running intrigued me. He expected so much and I just didn't have the time, energy or desire to give him what he wanted. Little did I know, he only had my best at heart and expected these things from me because he knew they would make me stronger.

After Volleyball and I parted ways, I went off to college. A dear friend named Nicole reintroduced me to Running. We would go down to the track late at night after hours spent sitting in classrooms and at desks studying. I admired Running; Nicole had built him up so much that it was hard not to develope a crush.

The holidays came and Running and I parted ways. When I returned to California, it was difficult to find anything in common with Running. I had discovered new tasks to entertain me and I put Running on the backburner... for two and a half years. We would go on an occassional date, but nothing serious: Just catching up and seeing how the other was doing.

In the winter of 2011, Eva and Mavel, who were really close friends with Running, motivated me to pursue Running once again. I fell hard for him. I liked him so much, but he was still demanding so much from me: Time, pain, energy, commitment... things I wasn't ready to give. So we went back to seeing each other on occassion.

Then I met Josh and his caterpillar. In order to impress him, Running and I started spending more and more time together. Sometimes the three of us would hang out, but Josh and Running had a stronger relationship than I did, so I chose to see Running on my own time. We would spend miles together at the beach, along the cliffs, up in the mountains... I was gaining so much respect for Running and all of his admirers.

When I saw the film Unbreakable, I decided I needed to accomplish what Anthony and Geoff were accomplishing: I needed to run the Western States 100. I know, that is a HUGE task, but I was determined. I signed up for several runs in the year of 2012 and Running and I became more serious. The only problem with our relationship was I expected Running to know everything about me, but I wasn't making an effort to get to know Running and what makes him so great.

One of my role models, who I have mentioned several times, is Drea. She is a determined, successful, beautiful runner. Her blog is hysterical and she herself is a bundle of fun energy! (www.twomotivate.com) When I began reading her blog last year, she was all about the numbers. Ohh... I ran a half marathon in 20:00. 1:34 pace. Okay, so she's not THAT fast, but she's fast. Five minute miles for an entire marathon. Git it, Girl! In her most recent blog, she returned to talking about her numbers. "I ran an easy 8:00 pace..." Easy. Easy.... yeah... That's my average. You suck, Drea. So I texted Sophia.

Me: "I ran an easy 8:00 pace..." eff you, Drea.

Sophia: True story. From running that "slow" her hammies were giving her problems. Another eff you Drea.

Me: Ugghhh I need to get serious about running. I'm sick of these Drea's and Rusty's and Joe's.

Sophia: But that's like all she does. She is nuts. She has a hubby who supports her. I'm pretty sure financially.

Me: I'll get married then I will become all about running.

Sophia: Ha!

Me: I'll marry the millionaire! Hahahahaha

Sophia: How did I know you were going to say that?

Me: I will just marry running!

Sophia: I wonder if anyone has ever tried that. 

Me: Haha. Ew. Probably.

Sophia: Then people will have to sponsor you. I mean you are married to running and all.

Me: Not yet. We have an on-again-off-again NCTO (Non-commital take outs) relationship at the moment. 

This conversation is what led me to realize I am ready for the next step. No more NCTOs... It is time to commit. I am going to begin studying Running's history, getting to know the people in his family, learning from his friends and finding things that make him happy. I'm totally serious about this. I know I said I would choose a social life instead of training, but honestly, Running makes me happy. He brings so much joy into my life and he leaves me feeling accomplished. He pushes me to be the best I can possibly be and he is always there for me, no matter what continent I'm on.

Some of you think I'm crazy. Well, I am. If you've read any of my blogs, you know this to be true. Hey, in the 70's, a woman married the Berlin Wall. Another man married a picture of himself. Why can't I marry Running?

So please, join Running and me as we embark on our great adventure.

*Please note: I am totally joking around, just trying to be clever and quirky. I am not truly "marrying" running. I am simply investing more time and energy into my training. These people who married inanimate objects were serious... I could never do that. Therefore, I will be keeping my last name. ;)

Vegan Cookies and European Men Know How to Make Me Smile

Oh, where to start, where to start...

Tuesday. Woke up. Taught cycle. Went to get my bike from the shop. Dang it, they were closed for two more hours. Well, that gave me enough time to get coffee from my favorite baristas: Kim and Aaron. Mmmm the smooth, creamy taste of caffeine and soy milk as the dance together in my plain white cup and sing a harmonious tune all the way down my belly. Oh, by the way... I'm still vegan, but coffee is back on the diet. HOWEVER... I'm pretty certain I'm allergic to caffeine. Yeah, I know I am. Either that or soy. I'm definitely allergic to one of those. But they are soooooo delicious. How could I ever give those up? Meat and dairy? That was hard enough. Grrrrrrr.

And so we return to the story...

Haha. But we get interrupted because something funny just happened at the coffee shop. I'm at Handlebar (yeah, yeah... my second time of the day... I have a slight coffee addiction and I love Kim and Aaron too much). So I'm sitting here typing and some European guys sit next to me. "I met her like an hour earlier.... Where did he go?... Don't speak the language, otherwise they are the same. In Hungary, the language is so easy to learn. What do you speak? Swiss German. No, no, no, it's really bad. I will speak Swiss German and a Deutsch. Italian. You live close to the French part..." Oh, this convo is classic. Then a man in green from Zurich walks up with a brown bag... "Here, I have a friend next door at the bakery," he says in his accent. He begins to pull out bear claws and croissants... amazingly gorgeous pastries which smell like heaven. He turns to me and says, "You are a vegan. Here, vegan cookie." Oh no, I'm okay. "No, vegan cookie. Please. As many as you like. Vegan. So good." Oh, this guy... this guy knows my heart. Okay, you got me. I'll take your vegan cookie. Mmmmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmm.... So freaking good! Oatmeal, raisin, cinnamon... I love you, man from Zurich! I love Switzerland!

Five minutes later, I hear him mumble, "Too much cookie." He turns to me. "Here, have more cookie." I give him a sideways grin. "I'm serious. So good. Have more. Too much." Marry me?

Now we get back to Tuesday. I drank my coffee, but there was still an hour til the bike shop opened, so I decided to waste time in Nordstrom. As I strutted my sweaty self down the aisle between the shoes and the handbags, I noticed Audrey. She was walking toward me with determination in her stride but sheer confusion written on her face. She was staring at my chest. What was so confusing about my breasts? I smiled and waved and her eyes looked up to meet mine. "Oh," she exclaimed. "Hi! I was reading your shirt!" We laughed and talked and caught up. By the time we finished, Dave's shop was open. Yeah man!

I walked across the street and grabbed my bike, purchasing a couple of Honey Stingers and Hammer Gels as well. I ran by the house and prepared my pre-race oatmeal with macadamia nuts, walnuts and Justin's peanut butter and hopped in my soccer-mom car. As I turned onto the freeway, I opened my sunglasses case to be met by (drumroll please) a dead rat! No, just kidding. A pair of broken sunglasses. So... another stop on my way up north to buy a pair of glasses. Awesome... this "free" triathlon was costing more than I bargained for.

This is where I plan to die next weekend

By the time I arrived at the course, it was 3pm. I arranged my gear for quick transitions, filled my water bottles with Cytomax, changed the laces on my Cascadias, strapped Hammer gels to Fee Figh Fo Fum and pumped his tires. As I walked down the sandy beach to the lake, I surveyed the area. Windsurfers, kids jumping off the dock, boats with fishermen and waves. Big waves. I jumped in. Brrrr! Brrr, brrr, brrrr! Swim, splash, swim. Oh my goodness. This was tiring. I tried to flip on my back and I spasmed out and looked like a fish on dry land. Hmmm... Had I forgotten the backstroke? So I turned on my side. Nope, that wasn't working for me either. Crawl it was. I didn't even know how far I swam. It took 37 minutes. Probably a quarter mile? Not much. Choppy waves hit me hard on the way back.

It was time to transition to the bike. I jumped on Fee Figh and ate my gel as I rode up the hill past the marina. It was a good ride. Hard. I was pretty depleted from my class that morning. I went fifteen miles before I noticed the sun setting. Shoot... time to turn around. As I swung Fee Figh to face the other direction, I noticed a giant, fierce animal staring at me. Ahhh! A T-rex! I'm totally serious! People up north are cray cray.

I texted Grylls:
I saw a baby bear on my run

Grylls: That's awesome.

Me: And a T-rex during the bike portion.

Grylls:  Hahahahaha. Oh, I forgot I saw a triceratops too and he chased me through the park but I got away because I hopped the fence. Triceratops are terrified of fences.

Me: I'm actually totally serious...

When I finally got back to my car, it was almost dark. I decided to use the restroom quickly and that was when I saw a familiar sight: A sign that read "Be Bear Aware". What? No way! So cool! It was like I was back in Wyoming. Too bad I didn't bring bear spray!

It was nearly dark, but I started my first lap anyway. Nash had corrected my form, so I tried it out to see the improvement. It definitely helped! Thanks, coach!

On my run, I saw wild turkeys, deer galore and a baby bear. When you see a baby bear, it is time to get out of the area. After 5.5 miles, it was dark outside and I could barely see, so I finished the workout with 6x100m strides with :30 recoveries.

Did the workout leave me feeling confident about the race? Well, I felt great about the bike and run, but swimming... hmm... it destroyed me. I would not be surprised if they pulled me from the swim because it will take me too long.

Wednesday was a day filled of two cycle classes, interviewing potential roommates and five hours learning about shoes from Nick. It ended with Pure Awesomeness and a long bedtime story from Grylls about princesses and dragons and Indiana Jones with his eagle. Amazing!

Thursday was two more cycle classes, interviews with amazing potential roommates and one weirdo then a blind date at a wine bar. Barbara has been trying to set me up with this guy for months, but I was leaving for Wyoming, so there was no point. But last night was fun. I will save the details for the private blog I am going to start for Sophia, Dana and Rebecca. ;) Haha. There was no kissing, no romantic chemistry, or any of that (not on my part, at least); however, I made a new rock climbing buddy!

Thursday's noon class was amazing as always. Lots of speed work. Every time the men had to work in zone five, they would bark at me. I love that class! They are so fun and full of life plus the guys love teasing me and egging me on. It's like I have twelve older brothers all picking fun at me. Dave brought in plums for me because he knew I had been teaching all morning. They love looking out for me.

 

Houston, We Have a... Breakthrough

Twelve consecutive nights were met by mornings full of new adventures, none of which included a return of my passion for running. It was discouraging; I was forcing myself up trails, kicking up sand in the sunset and trying to remember why I decided spending $120 a pair of racing flats was a good idea. Then Sunday arrived. I woke up late, missing my morning run. When I miss my morning anything, I get a little depressed. Suddenly, fun Ashlee becomes no-motivation, “I’m so fat” Ashlee. Yeah… we all love that Ashlee.

So NMISF Ashlee decided not to give into the dark side and instead to become fun, this-is-my-rest-day Ashlee. When I got to work and was able to cycle for an hour, TIMRD Ashlee became heck-yes-I-just-rode-in-zone-four Ashlee. Instead of going directly home after work that evening, I took my keys and water with me and ran 5 miles. Suddenly, HYIJRIZF Ashlee became twice-a-day-workouts Ashlee. Oooo… we like twice-a-day-workouts Ashlee… not quite as much as we like this-is-my-sixth-workout-of-the-day Ashlee, but more than we like I-have-a-case-of-the-overtrainings Ashlee.

The run consisted of a 15 minute warm-up jog on the dirt. The jog was followed by two sets of three minutes hard, two minutes easy run, which preceded a twelve-minute tempo run and 30-minute walk/jog to end. I found a path I had yet to run on, which always leads to a great running day. As I trail-blazed through overgrown weeds and avoided concealed holes in the path, I thought to myself, “Oh my goodnight nurse! I’m back! I’m in love with running! It’s back! My passion! Yay!”

So I am back, folks. All I needed was a new route.

Monday was my rest day (but does Ashlee ever rest?), so I did a fairly easy cycle class of sprints at 140+ RPMS for :30 with 2-4:30 recoveries for an hour. It was the first cycle class I have ever taught where I was able to leave without being drenched in salty sweat. *Did you know that when your sweat tastes like margaritas it is because you have been drinking too many margaritas? Fortunately, that has never happened to me.

From there, I went directly to my next job to teach Pilates and circuit classes. After which, I took my car in to get repaired, picked up my beautiful new soccer-mom car rental and went to work to sell running shoes. That evening, I taught aqua aerobics and made all the old people swim around in their sweat. They may not think they are sweating in the water, but they are, which is actually incredibly gross when you think about how much of that water I have swallowed. Which reminds me… my toenail totally fell off when I was swimming in that pool… no wonder some people are grossed out by public pools.

Today, I taught cycle for fifty minutes. I love watching people stagger out of class, walking funny from using muscles they forgot they had. My new playlist was fun, too. Maybe a little too pop-esque for my taste, but whatever makes the members happy, right? Not everyone enjoys Avenged Sevenfold and Papa Roach.

I’m going to go look at my course for the upcoming tri. I want to practice transitions. When I ran into Jimmy at Whole Foods last night, he said I wouldn’t need a wetsuit… I want to make sure that is legit before I leave the body-hugging suit at home. But it is already 10:30AM and my bike is still in the shop, so by the time I get up north, the water will probably have warmed up anyway.

It’s time to get serious, folks. Let’s get down and dirty... and drenched in sweat! Oh, it's on. Bring it, long course... Bring it.

The Insane Girl Is Back Again...

An unopened e-mail pops up on my phone, causing a soft bling melody to flow into the air. Ahh, the melody that suggests a new adventure is about to begin. The e-mail is from Kyle, the TriClub president. He has two extra registrations for the Scott Tinley long course coming up in two weeks.

Now, let's look at this e-mail through the eyes of two different people: A normal person and Ashlee.

1. A normal person would open the e-mail and think, "That would be fun, but there is no time to train. I hope whoever does it enjoys it and does really well."

Yeah... we all know that  I am not a normal person. So what was my thought process?

2. Ah! How cool! Two weeks from today? Hmm... I could totally do that! 1.5 mile swim? Never have I gone that far before, but there's a first time for everything... 50 mile bike? That's nothing. Half marathon? Eh... I'm training for a full anyway. Okay! I am in! (click, click, click... fill out same paperwork, press some buttons and... voila! I am registered.) Oh... shoot! I have two freaking weeks! I haven't gone swimming since May! What was I thinking?!?

And so the insanity begins... or should I say continues? Will I ever learn?

I signed up last Friday and went to Sabrina's straight away. Sabrina gets my insanity. She is pretty crazy, too. There's a reason she is the other pea in my pod. And she totally supports the new vegan lifestyle I live. Oh! Which reminds me, Nash said the reason I've probably been so unmotivated and lethargic on my runs is because of the vegan diet... my body is just adjusting. But I have not craved meat or dairy in two months, which is awesome!!!

Anyway, back to Sabrina's... we had a lovely vegan meal of hummus and flatbread with salad, wine and sweet potatoes... yummy. As we ate, someone said something hysterical and I began to squeak. Oh great, my first time meeting Sabrina's new house mates and I'm kicking the Chihuahua again!

"Oh my goodness," Andy said in awe. "What is that?!" He got off the couch and came over, wrapping his arms around my body. "I love it! That's it, Sabrina! She's moving in!"

Saturday promised new training adventures! It started out with Pilates in the park. Then came work at the shoe store, which was awesome! It was a busy day with lots of  sales made. Joe and I talked about the endurance race I'm doing in November and the run he and Rusty did that morning. Vida came in and I was so excited to see her! While we were talking, Joe looked at one of the customers and told him, "Ashlee knows everyone in town! She's perfect for this job!" At the end of the day, he told me what a great day it had been. It left me feeling incredibly confident and excited to be working for such a great company!

After work, I went home and ate a bunch of vegan cookies and rosemary flatbread with olive hummus. Sophia and I were supposed to climb, but after an hour and a half of waiting to go out, I decided I needed to get some sort of workout in. A sunset run on the beach it was. Three miles was all I had time for, but I went hard and fast, leaving my toes a little bit bruised and my feet padded in tar.

So... easy training day was a success... I mean, it's hard to go easy, but it's gotta happen occasionally, right?

So now it is Sunday. When my alarm went off at 5:00AM, I was not feeling it. I know, I know... when the call is made, you must answer it, but today I decided sleep was more important. I waited to get up until two hours later and went to work. I just happened to mention that I was competing in two weeks and the class insisted I work out with them. Oh, yeah... that took a lot of convincing. I was on the bike in two seconds. Six minutes zone 4, 3 minute recovery times 4. :20 sprint to zone 4, :40 recover times 5. Repeat the sprints standing 5 times. And recover with a cool down.

Beautiful.

Post-workout treat? Backyard bowls with Sabrina.

Pre-race motivation? New helmet! Light and seductive. Seductive, did I say? Seductive. Okay... that's not the word for it, but some of you may be falling asleep right now, so I'm hoping you're awake now.

Tonight I am going to run hard and hopefully get a good swim in. It's time to get serious, folks. My only worry is I will get a case of the overtrainings... Gotta stay away from that.

Pilates in the Park

Hello friends! I am going to start a Pilates class on Saturdays at 8AM. We will meet at Tucker's Grove Park! Bring your mats and water bottles (filled with water, of course) and get ready to sweat! This class will be great to build and strengthen the muscles you need for surfing, running, skiing, cycling and any other sport you participate in! Each class is a $5/person donation. We will have a blast together for an entire hour! Get excited!!!

Dirt.

I'm not going to lie to you; my workouts have been dirt. Not the good dirt. Not the dirt that I love. Not that dirt that flew off the car every time I closed my door in Wyoming. No, my workouts have been the kind of dirt you find underneath a porta potty. Gross, right? Yeah. Now you know how I've been feeling since I got back to California.

Running is hard. SO hard. I cannot get my legs to lift. My lung capacity from all that training in altitude has been great, but my legs feel HEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVY heavy heavy. Like the legs of an elephant. But I don't have the strength of an elephant. I have the strength of a puny 13-year-old girl. My motivation to train has flown out the window as well. And man, it flew fast! It was like a hungry sparrow that saw a worm for the first time in three days and dove as fast as its wings would let it go. Yeah, that sparrow and my motivation fly at the same rate.

I think I'm a little embarrassed to run. There are actually people in California. They see me. And they judge. They judge hard. I know because I used to be one of the judging people. Oh man... look at the way that guy overpronates. Oooo... that girl is never going to win a race if she won't pick her feet up. Sure, I always tell people that no one cares what you are doing because they are too focused on their own workout. Yeah... that's semi-true. But, people notice. They don't care really. And they won't remember you the next day. But I am so tired of people noticing my imperfections and I would rather they not! So... if I don't run, they won't notice, right? But if I don't run, I'll get fat and I can't be fat and work at a running store and fitness gyms. It is such a catch-22. 

Run, I must. Run, I will. I just... well, my hips are wider than they were in my fat days. My pace is slower than it was in my slow days. And my ability to run for long periods of time is completely shot. I wish I was exaggerating. I keep waiting for the morning I wake up and everything is back to the way it should be. So far, it hasn't happened.

Now that we've established the non-existance of my training, let's talk about the glimmer of hope I've seen in my classes. I am kicking butt! People are so excited that I'm back! After my noon cycle class, they were cheering and saying, "Yup... she's back." They were begging me not to bring the dogs. Everyone has said they have missed my workouts. Makes me feel AWESOME! I'm so glad to be back to teaching. That truly is my passion. I feel so blessed to know the people I do and to work with the individuals who are enthusiastic about breaking a little... okay, a huge sweat.

Now... how do I get their motivation and apply it to my runs? Hmm...

The Girl Who Didn't Use Towels

It has come to my attention that people know me better than I think they do. I am the type of person who does not notice details. "Oh you got your ears pierced!" "Uhm... in second grade, Ash." ...oops. But I've been trying to change that as of late.

This summer, my friends would make comments that helped me realize how much of an open book I am. My first day in Sisters, I decided to run the three miles from Greg's office to my house. My mom passed by on her way home from coffee. She was laughing as she pulled the car over and said, "You run like an old woman!"  Inside, I thought, Whatever, Mom! I'm not used to running on flat road! I've been climbing hills all summer. Instead I said, "Better to run like an old woman than have the knees of an old man." Wha-bam! There it was. Facebook status Online for the world to see. Josh, the person who probably knows me better than anyone else, commented, "Does that mean you're going to stop running?" My response: "Is Boba fett Mandalorian?" (C'mon, people... Star Wars...) Not being a Star Wars nerd like myself, he commented, "Yeah, that doesn't answer my question, and I only asked because I know you well enough to know you wont run slow or take it easy." Ugh... I needed to be reminded of that. Of course, the same man who knows I never dry off after getting out of a body of water knows that I don't like to rest or go easy. 

Photo courtesy of www.superherostuff.com

Then Jonah surprised me in a text conversation. He wanted to know why I was in Oregon instead of back in California. "My best friend from my childhood passed away." "Matthew? Oh wow, Ashlee, are you okay?" "Wow... how did you remember that?" He explained to me that I used to be priority to him so what was important to me was important to him. Other people from my past were concerned about me after Matthew's death as well. I felt incredibly supported and shocked when people who I hadn't spoken to in years were calling to check up on me before I even posted my blog. Monica wanted to let me know I was in her prayers. Ashley called constantly to check in on me and see how I was doing. (He was her boyfriend... shouldn't I be the one checking on her?) Michelle was texting me every day to see if I needed support. Even when I spent time with Matt's parents, they reminded me of all the great memories we had when I was younger. It was amazing to see how much people cared and remembered about me. I tend to put things in the back of my mind and they seem like part of a book instead of reality. When I try to look at my past, I feel like I'm reading a fairytale, not remembering the words that guarantee a smile on someone's face or the look that person gets when they are upset. 

Is my problem that I've become so focused on myself, I've forgotten to study my friends and get to know them? Sophia remembers when I make dumb comments like, "I miss having a dirt tan line", but I couldn't tell you what she said to me this morning after my run and before work. My mom remembered that Virginia is the one state I've wanted to visit since I was in third grade, but I could not tell you which states my mom has and has not been to in her lifetime. I don't think the problem is I don't care about my friends, because I do. Really, honestly... I do! 

I've been making an effort to pay better attention. When Tiffany and I met up in Bend last week, I studied her face while we sat at the picnic table. She has always been pretty, but this time, I noticed her freckles and the maturity in her eyes. She has a thin face and her hair is always perfectly pinned, allowing the gentle waves of her light brown hair to fall loosely along her shoulders. Since the day I met her five years ago, I've been envious of how beautiful the girl is, but I didn't realize the magnitude in her natural beauty until this summer. 

When I met with Matt's mom, my second mother, also known as Aunt SherSher, I was stunned by her radiance. She held herself with such a confidence and moved in a carefree manner that was somehow still so graceful, calm and collected. Her skin looked young and fresh and her raven hair looked fuller and more vibrant than it did when I was a child. Despite the loss of her eldest child, she looked more at peace and youthful than before. 

I am starting to notice these little details in everyone I speak with. Today was my first day back to work and I started to notice new characteristics in all of my clients. Alan has lost weight and looks fantastic from head to toe. Terri's hair has gotten lighter and it brings out the color in her eyes more. These are things I would not normally notice. 

My goal for September is to begin to examine my friends and family more. I want to know them the way that they know me. I want to know what Grylls did for his fifth birthday, why my sister is terrified of insects and what Kaitlin likes to put on her biscuits. In college, I had a tenancy to learn facts for the test and forget them as soon as the school year was over; I don't want that to be the case here. I want to learn in order to better understand people and help them through rough patches or just make life more worthwhile in general. 

When I was at my parents' house, I found this old journal I had taken to school and had my friends fill out in order to get to know them better. On the first page, each friend wrote his or her name and the following pages each had a question on them. Who is your favorite actress? When is your birthday? What is your biggest fear? I want to continue to strive to know the answers to those questions.

I'm not sure how to tie this all together because it's late and I'm tired and want to move on to my next project, so I will leave you with a little bit about myself:

• I hate taking the same path twice. Driving to work makes me crazy because there are only so many paths you can take and so many means in which you can take them before they become dull. 
• Anything that has to do with Star Wars makes me super happy. When my mom and I drove down to California, I read her this Star Wars fan-fiction book that Sophie bought me at the opp shop. It was amazing. In fact, it was so good, I read it by headlamp light so I could finish it before we got home. I even used the voices and tried to imitate Darth Vader's heavy mask-breathing.   
• I would much rather go on a long hike or run than shop downtown or go out to a bar. In fact, I feel incredibly uncomfortable at bars or dance clubs. Since I can't dance, when I'm out on the floor, I feel like everyone is judging me, even though I know they could care less. 
• Painting and creating things makes me incredibly happy. One of the top five best feelings in the world is having acrylic paint on my legs, in my hair and underneath my fingertips. There are no rules in art; it is your own style and anything goes. There are no deadlines, no expectations. It is a total form of release. 
• When I get out of the pool, the ocean or the shower, I don't dry off with a towel. It's not that I don't want to. I even have tried in the past, but Denise and Josh just made fun of me because supposedly I did it incorrectly. Many experiences have I had with wet legs and jeans that just won't go on or a silk top that suddenly had water stains from my dripping hair. 
• If I could only listen to one genre of music for the rest of my life, it would be country music. There is a country song for every moment life throws at you. No, you don't need to own a dog named Jake, drive a pick-up truck or have your significant other leave you for another person; there are songs about barefoot, blue jean nights, kissing on high overlooks and long, hot summers. I don't know how I grew up in a cowboy town yet never enjoyed country music until a few years after I left it. 
• Last thing for the night: I love it when people think I'm hardcore. Grylls claimed I'm good at everything. Rolf said he thought of me when he saw people running one of the highest points in Switzerland and thought that would be me someday. Tucker saying that I would totally run to the top of the Grand Teton every weekend if I lived in Jackson. Doug and Spurge commenting that I would probably go run 6 miles after an intense plyometrics class one night... which I did. When people think I'm super hardcore, it makes me want to be more hardcore. I think it's that way in every aspect of my life. If people thought I was organized, I might want to be more organized. One of my boss's never has positive feedback to give me, though I know he does value what I do, otherwise I wouldn't still be teaching at this gym. He never says anything nice about my abilities though; all I hear is him telling me how great other instructors are. I think he does it so I will continue to strive to be better, but when members are telling me I'm the hardest instructor they've ever had but all I ever hear my boss say is how great other people are, it makes me not want to work as hard. But I do anyways because my participants need me!

Thanks, Sophie!

 
I am totally rambling. No more. I'm going to try to sleep since I have to take my mom to the airport in four hours then have breakfast with Jayton! Yay! Then go to San Diego and meet Baby Isla, celebrate Dana's half-birthday and spend some quality time with my grandparents! Ahh.... see? Rambling. Night, blogesphere.