Did You Get Tickets to the Gun Show?

"If the zombie Apocalypse was happening and you could only choose one weapon, what would you choose?" This is the question Benji asked me about a month ago at our church retreat.

"Uhhh... uhm... a car to get away? What did Will Smith use in I Am Legend again? I don't think I'm good at hands-on combat," I stuttered, hoping something clever would escape my lips, but the only real noises that came out were the words of someone who really knows nothing about zombies.

The following week, I asked Laura the same question. Before the words even left my mouth, she was answering with confidence. "Okay, so here's the deal: I would have a bat with a sharp blade at the end. This is where my hide out spot would be..." her idea continued for a good three minutes before I just shook my head and looked at the other three people with us.

"Where does she come up with this," I asked her husband, Cody. But seriously, where does one come up with these things? If the zombie Apocalypse were to happen tomorrow, on my very first day of camp, how would I defend myself?

I've been reading the Hunger Games series and just finished watching The Avengers, so I was given a few ideas on new weapons. Katniss, Gale and Hawk Eye all use a bow and arrows. Now, that's pretty rad. I mean, think about Lord of the Rings (aw man, did I just take myself to a whole new level of dork? Hey, it's okay. I'm not the LOTR fanatic, but my sister is. My little sister with her cloak of invisibility and her Gollum impersonations. So I know a little bit about Tolkien's imaginative story): The elves have their bows and arrows and they are the pretty ones in the film. It's not really hurting my case, is it? So, shooting a bow and arrow... that would be a pretty cool skill to have. In fact, my sister knows how to shoot a bow and arrow and she's freaking gorgeous, so maybe it is true that if you shoot a bow and arrow, you will be made more beautiful. Weapons can make a person beautiful? Maybe it's the finesse and grace these hunters have. Maybe it's the deadly curve of the bow. Maybe it's that maneuver Hawk Eye made as he threw his body passionately off the edge of the building, pulling the string of his black bow back and hitting his target with marvelous precision.

But then there's The Black Widow. Tight body, black leather suit, tiny gun to match her tiny stature. I watched her on the screen, facing off the aliens with only a gun the size of the palm of her hand. She loaded it as she looked at the oncoming mob of extra terrestrials. Girl, you're so not going to do any damage with that baby. I don't know if she shot too many beasts, but she did have something else going for her... Dang! That girl is flexible! Flexibility! That could be a weapon. Hmmm... I know how to shoot a gun, I am a Pilates instructor... okay, I'll keep working on those skills.

What other assassin can I learn something from? Well, let's go back to Hunger Games. Katniss was swift. She was quick like a bunny. Bunny. That was my nickname in high school and college. Well, mostly because my friends claimed I ate like a rabbit, but also because I prance when I run. So... swiftness. Run like Katniss, stretch like a spider, get guns like the Terminator. Oh, you've seen my Terminator picture, don't deny it!

Why am I talking about weapons? Well, I need to find my weapon, or my edge, if you will. I'm not an elite marathon runner like Drea. I'm not an eye-catching triathlete like Josh. I'm not a powerhouse like Austin. So what do I have? My insanity. Who uses insanity as a weapon? Only the bad guys come to mind: Heath Ledger's Joker in Dark Knight, President Snow of the Hunger Games, Hannible Lecter of Silence of the Lambs... I think I proved my point.

Wait, can we count Johnny Depp's Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean as a good guy? He helps the good guys, at least! Oh, it's on. I will add the insanity of Jack Sparrow to my list of things to improve.

I had my first workout in 7000 foot elevation today. Mom and I did a hike up the ski hill. It was beautiful, but the elevation definitely was present. How will I use this to my advantage? I will train in it all summer and come back for the Santa Barbara Triathlon in peak shape. Women ages 24-29, you had better watch your back. Here I come! Now all I need to do is come up with a great super hero name....